| Remember when your parents told you to always Stop, Look, and Listen before you crossed the street? Well, this is exactly the same sort of situation, except that what we're asking you to do is to pretend you're going to buy something at the drugstore. Here's how it works: when your aching ass tells you you're in trouble, there's nothing like our friendly, reliable old Ninjitsu Industries brand of suppositories for superior resolution of butt pain. Consider the many advantages of using Conga Line, for starters, it's Trademarked (as if that matters) and known (by people we paid to say it's so) for fast (compared to nothing), effective (as a placebo), relief from your imaginary symptoms (whatever they might be). So, what are you waiting for? Don't ask your doctor, he's not gonna be any help, and please, don't try getting input from your spouse, cousin, buddy, girlfriend, coworker, or any of those people (ask yourself, when was the last time their advice actually worked out better than something you thought you read on the internet?) | 
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